No matter what happens, this is a story for the books, a tale I’ll never forget, a turning point and a life-altering experience that I’ll pass down to the children and grandchildren I hope to someday have if I’m blessed enough to have them. This story, regardless of what happens, is an extraordinary one, and just goes to prove the lengths one goes to for love, or to find out if it’s love; a hopefulness and a curiosity that surpasses anything else before it.
Regardless of what happens, my life is about to change. I’ll never be the same after this experience; an experience I never saw coming years ago and one in which I needed to go see for myself in order to ever move on with my life, in order to ever take another risk, in order to love again.
Regardless of what happens, it was meant to be. I cannot put the weight of all I want and hope and fantasize about on it because that wouldn’t be right, it would be unfair to both parties. I fear I’m looking for some big revelation, like some kind of unveiling, like some kind of divine understanding will suddenly come together for me, for us, regardless of what happens.
I can tell you though, that it had to happen. It would be a sin if it didn’t; a sorry shame, a tormented unknown, an unfulfilled potential.
(originally written on paper in a journal just days before my trip to Russia)