“There’s beggary in the love that can be reckoned” – Antony & Cleopatra
You have guided me through the desert countless times, saved me from myself when I’ve asked, often only coming to the point of asking after I’ve exhausted all of my options, at the end of my rope. And that’s where You continuously find me and where I’m forever rescued. Why are You my last resort? Why do I still trust myself to guide and direct when You have proven faithfully that You’re a better guide, an expert Captain, a Master Artist of navigation?
When have any of my plans ever been better than Yours? When have you ever steered me in the wrong direction? Rather You’ve quietly pointed me and sometimes lifted me, placing me when needed and especially when I asked You to. You know me better than I know myself. You can be trusted to fulfill and provide the abundant life I seek. That doesn’t neccessarily mean being rich and prosperous, in fact, it probably means exactly the opposite: hardship, persecution, loneliness, heartbreak… yet somehow, surely richer and more prosperous than the wealthiest in the world, with burdens lifted, persecution rewarded, loneliness eradicated with a whisper from You, heartbreak healed, mended and made new. You are a perfect paradox.
And now You have led me out to the desert where I am alone with myself and my once noble desires now twisted, mangled and deformed. They need to be set straight and made right but I don’t know how. I can’t redeem myself, I can’t fix what’s been distorted. But there, alone in the desert, You remind me that You can fix it, that You have fixed it, that You’re the redeemer.
Here in the desert is where I will leave this putrid, rotting, sun-bleached carcass. I will completely abandon it in exchange for the abundant life, for the better path, for the Captain’s navigation as opposed to my own that leads further out into this desert of mirages. For too long I’ve chased after false oasis’ only to be left empty, dry and alone.
Thank You for taking me all the way out into the desert of my life where I will leave all of this corruption, starved, alone and abandoned, knowing You don’t steer wrong those who genuinely seek You. Who needs variety when yours is infinite? With You, eternity is in our lips and eyes, and when You are finally revealed, I will be made known with You in eminence.